


The Interview

by Kalta79



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Alien/Human Relationships, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 06:27:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11121720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalta79/pseuds/Kalta79
Summary: AU story. Tifa tells a reporter about the truth behind the Nibelheim incident. Parody. I realized Sephiroth and Barret had been left un-laid in my stories, so wanted to remedy that.





	The Interview

A skinny Tifa sat down at the table with the reporter. They were at a nice little bistro, and Tifa ordered two cups of coffee for herself.

"You don't want one cup and refills?" the reporter asked.

"No." Tifa said. "This won't take that long."

"So you said you were going to tell me the truth about Nibelheim?" the reporter got down to business.

"Yes, as soon as the coffee gets here." When Tifa's two cups arrived, she downed one almost right away, then sipped the second cup.

"So what really happened?"

"There was an incident at the reactor, but it wasn't a massacre. I was hired to be their guide, and Sephiroth and I hit it off. He did jam his sword into me, if that's what you want to call his penis. And then Zack and Cloud caught us and got all pissy, refusing to believe it was consensual. Cloud stole Zack's sword and started swinging it around, and hit a few gas lines, and the sparks set off an explosion. The flaming debris ended up flying all the way into the village onto the  
roofs of the building there, that's what started the fire there. Sephiroth and I decided to just let the rumours fly, so we could be undisturbed in the future. Except there was a downside to having random sex with an alien hybrid."

"What's that?" the reporter asked, curious.

Tifa stood up, and the reporter was shocked to see how fat she seemed now.

"I'll be popping this baby out by tomorrow morning." Tifa patted her stomach. She saw Barret and Yuffie at another table, so went over to them.

“Tifa!” Barret said in a pleasantly surprised voice. “You’re…you’re…” Barret faltered as he tried to think of something to say about her fat tummy that she wouldn’t get upset at.

“It’s called being pregnant.” Yuffie said in a sharp tone, patting her own enlarged stomach.

Tifa was surprised. “You two are having a baby! That’s wonderful.” she said.

“It would be if this damned thing would pop out already.” Yuffie complained. “Barret keeps complaining I stole his sperm.”

“I told you, I used a condom!” Barret exclaimed.

“Well, I better get back home before this thing pops out.” Tifa excused herself and waddled back to her place, where a dozen grey-haired children waited for her, and Sephiroth stood in the middle of the living room with five dirty diapers in his hand.


End file.
